The N-Word Handbook: The Guide To Not Getting Your A$$ Whooped

Sorry Reverend Sharpton, but the N-Word is like Michael Myers. No matter how many times you kill it, it keeps coming back.  So instead of fighting it, learn to live with it.  Here are a few simple rules for non-Blacks to manage living in a N-Word World. Just to be clear, I am speaking of the N-Word ending in -a not -er.  Use of the -er word ALWAYS warrants an a$$-whooping!

When to use the N-Word:

Reciting rap lyrics

-Due to the high frenquency of use in rap songs it is impossible to censor that word

          -HOWEVER, if you are a non-Black rapper.....NO!  That goes for you Fat Joe.

When preceded by the word "My"
-Non-Blacks get a lifetime maximum of ten usages (hey I don't make up the rules)

Anytime it ends with -a not -er
-Obviously a term of endearment

Your last name is Jones, Johnson, Jenkins, Washington, Lewis,  Smith, Young, Green, Harris, Parker, or Jackson
- Most common last names for Whites in the US  
aaaaahhhhhhh...slavery

If you are Black or have any percentage over 25%
-You must have at least five Black friends

Your parents and/or grandparents do not use the version ending in -er
-If your answer is yes then you must forfeit all N-Word privileges, even if they learned the "error" in their ways

Does not apply if:
-You're a non-Black dating a Black person
-A non-Black is in an argument with a Black
-No one else you are around is using it...awkward!!

Follow the rules in this handbook in order to maintain a drama-free N-Word Existence.*  Good Luck and Godspeed!

*Speaking Randomly is not liable for any and all a$$-whoopings that may occur due to this handbook.