F*ck Twinkies....NOW We Have A Problem!!

So I've got the munchies due to extra-curricular activities and decide to run to the corner gas station to get my favorite munchies snack: a cherry pie.

I am envisioning tasting the hard crust and wondering if this pie is going to have that perfect light coating of glaze or that "I've been on the shelf too long" dried and naked look.  I'll take either right now.  I imagine that first bite, artificial cherry jelly combined with firm yet mushy maraschino cherries (can you tell I'm passionate about my food).

Upon arriving to the store, to my surprise I see no cherry pies. I panic. I sober up. Where the hell is my pie? My heart's racing.  I head to the nearest 7-11.  They've got to have it.  No? Let me try one more store.  Nothing? Then it dawns on me.  My Cherry Pie is produced by: (gulp) Hostess.......

 It's raining now and I realize I am on fiend status. I want my pie.  I'll do anything to get this pie.  I'll suc...

OK, not a good look.

I stopped eating twinkles at 6, Hostess cupcakes at 18.  I've never been a huge fan of Ho-Hos, Ding-Dongs, Zingers or any of their other products that sound like a prostitute's list of talents.  But I draw the line at my pie. I mean what am I suppose to eat now???

Wait...what's that over yonder????

There is a God!